Growing Closer
by FlowerOwl
Summary: The world needs heroes to defend it, a truth that allows Steve and the rest of his team to return to the Compound only a few months after they had left for Wakanda. Back at home, Steve learns that a lot can change in only a few months


They had only been in Wakanda for a little under two months when they got the message that they could return home again. Steve figured that he should have known that was what would happen, that the world would realise its mistake the moment things began to go wrong and beg them to come home, but even then, he had not thought that it would happen so soon.

T'Challa graciously allowed them to use one of the airplanes that had been in the hangar of the palace to get back to the US where they got picked up at the airport by a black limousine with tinted windows and enough space to fit them all inside without any of them having to sit on one another the way they had been forced to do while fleeing to Wakanda. But the plenty of empty space in the car also stung a bit; neither Scott nor Sam were in the car with them, having opted to instead go home and appear at court. When they had told the rest of the team - having only done so the very morning they were supposed to leave Wakanda, almost like they had chosen the latest moment possible so that they would not have time to change their minds - Steve had wanted to ask them what was wrong, what had changed so much in just two months that they would willingly abandon the rest of the world.

On the other hand, Bucky was also allowed to go back home, and although Steve would never have told Sam and Scott, he couldn't help but think that if Sam and Scott leaving was the price the universe demanded for Bucky to be able to return back home to the US with Steve, that was a price that Steve would pay without hesitation. Now, all that was left was for Steve to find a way to fix Bucky's brain and then it would all be well. Of course, he would have preferred for Bucky to travel with the rest of them in the limousine, but no matter how many times he had tried to convince T'Challa that it would be better for Bucky to be in the company of someone he knew, the king had been adamant, constantly referring to how Shuri had deemed that Bucky was still able to pose a threat to both himself and others. Although Steve had wanted to argue against that, informing T'Challa that Steve had already made Bucky snap out of his Winter Soldier-mind-set once and that he could do it again, he knew that T'Challa would not change his decision. He just hoped that Bucky was happy even if he missed out on the welcoming ceremony.

The limousine pulled up at the Compound, and Steve barely heard Natasha whisper for him to remember that they had yet to be officially pardoned and to make sure to get back in everyone's good graces during the ceremony, before someone opened the car door and he was flooded by the light coming from the cameras, every single one of them snapping pictures of Steve. He tried to smile in every direction as he got out of the car, turning around to wait for the others before they began to head over towards the entrance of the Compound, making sure to stay together to show the world that they were a proper team.

Despite the barriers that had been put up to keep the public and all the journalists from completely swarming them, Steve still had to duck a couple of times as an overly eager journalist tried to simply throw a microphone at him, while yelling for Steve to say something about his return. The look that Natasha sent him was enough for Steve to know that he should stay quiet, so he shot the journalist an apologising smile as he placed the microphone down on the ground.

Somehow they managed to get all the way up to the Compound without serious incidents. The entrance was surrounded by barriers as well, creating a little half circle around the door where the public couldn't go. Walking around a little platform that had been built in the middle of the half circle with a microphone attached to the front, Steve could feel his heart speed up. They were home. They were finally home.

Making sure to stay together, Steve's team all made their way closer to the Compound. The rest of the Avengers were waiting in front of the building, glaring at them with a look in their eyes that made Steve feel slightly unsure of what to do as he moments later found himself standing right in front of Tony for the first time in months.

All things considered, Tony looked fine. Yes, the faint dark circles under his eyes were back the way Steve had feared that they would be with Tony all alone without anyone to remind him to take a break from time to time, the smile looked a bit forced, and Steve could see how the billionaire was practically shaking despite the warm weather, but it could have been so much worse.

Behind Tony, the rest of the Avengers were standing, or at least Steve supposed that they were Avengers. Truth to be told, he had no idea who most of them were, but that was to be expected after he, along with Natasha, Clint, and Wanda, had been forced to flee to Wakanda. There had to be at least thirty or so people there, and yet Steve could only recognise the Spider-Boy from the fight at the airport. Where were the others? Where were Rhodes, Vision, and Potts? Had they left Tony? Even though that had nothing to do with him, Steve felt a bit bad. When he had left for Wakanda without Tony, he had thought that Tony would still have his friends, but it seemed that they had left him all alone during those two months.

Steve didn't get any more time to mull over where Tony's friends had gone, as some man in a suit walked up to stand on the platform where he began to deliver a speech. It was boring, obviously something that he had been told to read from the little card he was holding, and could essentially have been shortened down to him telling the public that there was nothing to be afraid of and that Steve and the rest of his team had all chosen to come back to make up for their mistakes.

Lies. The only thing keeping Steve from speaking up and telling the people what had really happened was how Natasha's grip around his hand tightened throughout the speech.

So, suppressing a yawn, Steve stayed quiet.

Thankfully the man finished his speech soon and motioned for both Steve and Tony to join him up on the stage.

"Smile, shake his hand and then come back here," Natasha whispered in Steve's ear as he let go of her hand to go up to the podium with Tony.

Despite the amount of people present, the crowd was almost completely quiet as Tony held out his hand for Steve to shake. Looking down, Steve could see that the billionaire's hand was shaking more than ever, and once again, he wondered what had happened while he had been gone. But the crowd was watching, and Steve didn't want them to think that he was hesitating, so he reached out and shook Tony's hand, making sure to keep holding Tony's hand for a while to ensure that all of the journalists and photographers got a change to get a picture of how they had made amends.

Behind them, the man who had given the speech continued to blabber on, talking about how there were sometimes threats so big that they had to extend forgiveness to everyone. At least the speech was soon finished, and the man gestured to Steve and Tony that they could head into the Compound along with the rest of the Avengers.

Steve could hear the cameras snapping behind them as all of the people in the crowd tried to get a picture of him and Tony holding hands. A warm feeling filled his stomach. Soon enough, the public would know that Steve along with Natasha, Clint, and Wanda did not hold a grudge for how they had been treated in the aftermath of the Avenger's disagreement over the Accords.

However, the moment Steve and Tony had gotten inside the Compound, the door closing behind them, and the crowd no longer able to see them, Tony practically tore his hand out of Steve's grip before he ran away, not even giving Steve a change to say something to him before Tony had disappeared through a door.

When Steve tried to follow him, the door would not open for him, and no matter how many times he asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to unlock the door, the AI refused to obey, keeping the door solidly locked.

Steve could practically feel how the other Avengers were staring at him, but right then he could not have cared less. Tony was on the other side of the door, and if there was anything wrong, Steve needed to know what it was.

"Steve." he felt Natasha place a hand on his shoulder as she came over to stand beside him. "Maybe just let it go for now. You can talk with him tomorrow."

After another attempt to make F.R.I.D.A.Y. open the door, Steve gave in. If the AI would not let him help Tony, then he would just have to wait for when he could ask the billionaire directly.

Steve had wanted to wait until the perfect moment for asking Tony what was wrong would present itself, he really had. But when he had walked through one of the corridors, trying to figure out where his new room was - another new thing that Steve would change the second he was given his old position back: he had been moved to the opposite side of the Compound, into a much smaller room - and had seen Tony about to walk into an adjacent room, Bucky following right behind him, he had not been able to stay quiet.

It was such a weird sight, seeing Bucky and Tony standing so close together. The last time that had happened, Tony had been mere seconds away from killing both Steve and Bucky, and although Steve knew that the Compound was probably under surveillance day and night, he didn't like the thought of Bucky going anywhere with Tony without Steve there to make sure that Bucky was fine. So, trying to pretend that he was not at all surprised to see the two of them there, Steve headed over towards them.

"What are you doing?"

Both Bucky and Tony spun around, but whereas Bucky visibly relaxed when he saw that it was just Steve, Tony looked as tense as he had had done the week before during the welcoming ceremony.

"We are going to see how another session with the B.A.R.F. will affect my brain," Bucky said, taking a step towards Steve.

He knew that he should just be happy to see his friend again, but Steve still found himself feeling slightly annoyed at Bucky and how he had seemingly not understood that the question had been meant for Tony, who was now hidden behind Bucky.

But Bucky's answer was also so alarming that Steve figured he should actually be glad that Bucky had thought the question was meant for him.

"B.A.R.F.? Bucky, I'm not sure that's a good idea, I don't think you should do it-"

"Why not?" Bucky interrupted him. "It's my only option to get the trigger words out of my head; I can't exactly choose anything else."

Steve nodded, trying his best to seem understanding. He knew that he could never truly relate to Bucky's situation, but that didn't mean that Steve wasn't the one who knew Tony the best. "I know that, but I just don't think that it's a good idea to keep messing with your head after everything you have already gone through. We don't know what could happen, there could be consequences."

"Steve, since when have you been the one to worry about consequences?"

"Since you got involved."

That finally made Bucky smile, and Steve felt his heart skip a beat as his friend reached out to pat his shoulder. "I know. But this is my decision to make. I have been informed about the consequences, and if it will make you feel better, I can tell you that the risk of anything going wrong is so small that it's hardly worth worrying over. Besides, we have already done a couple of sessions, and according to the numbers, my brain is responding the way we've hoped it would-"

"Wait, you have already been through multiple sessions?" Steve asked, and he could hear the emotional pain of realising that his friend had not even bothered to tell him what had been going on seep into his voice. "I thought you had only just arrived, why didn't you come to say hello, why didn't you say anything to me about B.A.R.F.-"

"Whoa, punk, there's no need to get upset. I couldn't find you, so I decided that I would just wait until I eventually saw you."

"And why did you keep it a secret that you had decided to be treated with the B.A.R.F.?"

Bucky just raised an eyebrow. "Because that's what I knew I would need if I ever wanted to get rid of _him_ ," Bucky pointed towards his temple and Steve had to bite his tongue to keep himself from asking Bucky to not act like the Winter Soldier was a part of him, like it was inside his brain when it was _not_ , when Bucky and the Winter Soldier was in no way synonyms for the same thing, "and I knew that if I told you, you would try to convince me not to. And, knowing you, you would probably have succeeded."

"I would not have tried to change your mind," Steve protested, "I would have asked you to consider the risks, yes, but I would not have tried to change your decision, and no matter what you ended up choosing to do in the end, I would have respected that."

"Well, I have considered the risks, and this is my decision."

"But, Bucky, you don't know Tony like I do." at Steve words, Tony stepped out from behind Bucky and stared at Steve with a glare Steve didn't know how to interpret. Instead, he continued, now aware that he was speaking both to Bucky and Tony. "He means well, I know, but there have been a couple of instances of his inventions… not functioning properly. He built the B.A.R.F. as well, so I think that I have at least a couple of reasons to be worried about you."

For a moment, Steve thought that Tony was about to open his mouth and come with a witty remark the way he had always done in the past, but Tony stayed silent, allowing Bucky to shake his head at Steve's words.

"I appreciate that you care about me, but there is no need for that. I have tried the B.A.R.F. and not had any kind of negative side-effects happen to me, and it has already done so much more for my brain than I could have done on my own," Steve didn't miss the way Bucky turned around slightly to beam at Tony and the way that Tony returned the smile, and he didn't like it, the feeling of unease only increasing in intensity as Bucky continued, "so, please, Steve, will you respect that this is my choice to make?"

The way that Bucky had picked those words, reminding Steve of the fact that Bucky had not been allowed the freedom to make any kind of decisions for himself for decades on end, was almost enough to convince Steve to drop the subject. But then he looked over at Tony, still standing behind Bucky, and he could not keep all of his worries pent up inside anymore.

"But he tried to kill you! How can you trust him with something as valuable as your mind after that?"

Tony winced, getting a look on his face as if Steve had kicked him. He felt bad, Steve really did, but he could not understand why Tony would try to make a scene. He had been to one to talk about how they should be held accountable for their actions in the first place, so why should Steve now not be able to talk about what Tony had done?

"So it's about Siberia." Bucky sighed before turning around to face Tony. "Stark, will you please allow me a moment to discuss this alone with Steve?"

He could not see Bucky's face, but Tony looked relieved at his words, nodding sharply.

"Of course. I will just wait for you in here." and just like that, Tony headed inside the adjoining room, closing the door behind him.

"No wait!" Steve exclaimed just as the door slammed. "I wanted to talk to you!"

"That might be the case," Bucky said, turning around to look at Steve again, "but this is something we need to settle right now: Stark's not a threat to me."

"Yes, he is."

"No."

"He is."

"No, he's not. Look, punk, he tried to attack me, but he had his reasons - I was the one who killed his parents after all."

"No, you weren't," Steve argued, desperately trying to get through to Bucky, "that was the Winter Soldier."

"But the Winter Soldier is still me, and when Stark watched him murder his parents on that tape, he was watching me murder his family as well."

"It wasn't you choice though, and Tony knew that. He had no right to blame you for any of it!"

He was not getting through to Bucky; Steve knew that the moment Bucky just looked at him with a sad expression before shaking his head. "He had just watched me kill his parents. That was all that mattered in that moment. Steve, can you really say that if someone killed the person you loved the most, and you watched a recording of the murder, would the possibility of them not having been in charge of their decisions during the moment have stopped you from trying to avenge your loved one?"

Steve knew that if someone killed Bucky, nothing would be able to stand between himself and the person responsible, but that was not the situation that they had been in back in the bunker, and the comparison was not an accurate one to make. Tony had known about Bucky many hours before he had watched that tape. In hindsight, Steve knew that if he had just told Tony the truth about his parents, then everything might have ended differently, but what did it matter now where it was too late to change anything? Steve had been afraid of Tony taking his anger out on Bucky, and Tony's actions in the bunker had only proven him right, so what was Bucky even trying to say?

However, it seemed that Bucky took Steve's silence as a sign of Steve agreeing with him, for he nodded at him. "Exactly. You would have done the same. Stark and I have both apologised for our actions, and I trust him, so will you please stop trying to convince me to decline the only option I have of ever getting to know who I am?"

"But I know who you are; you are Bucky, my best friend."

"No, I'm not. Not anymore at least." Bucky let out a sigh. "Look, Steve I don't expect you to understand this, but the old Bucky is dead. Even if the B.A.R.F. gets rid of the trigger words, he won't ever come back." with that, Bucky turned around and went into the room, allowing Steve to get a last glimpse of Tony before the door slammed in front of him.

He didn't even need to touch the handle to know that the door was locked.

Bucky's words echoed in Steve's head over the next couple of days. He didn't like how Bucky and Tony were apparently friends now, and he didn't like how Bucky hardly ever had time for him anymore. In Wakanda, even though Bucky had been under cryostasis for most of their time there, Steve had at least had the comfort of knowing that Bucky was not even able to see him, and that the only reason he wasn't there with him was because Bucky had decided to make sure he would not become a threat ever again.

But now, it almost seemed like Bucky was actively trying to avoid him, spending every moment with either Tony or one of the other Avengers, a woman Steve was fairly sure was named Jessica.

That was yet another one of Steve's problems. The other Avengers, the people who had been hired by the newly formed Accords Council. Although Steve would have thought that the people who were only at the Compound because they had connections to the right people and not because they had actually proved their worth would at least show a little respect for Steve and his team for bothering to defend their rights, it seemed to not be the case. Instead, all conversations would cease every time he, Natasha, Clint, or Wanda would enter a room, only to get replaced with loud whispers and the occasional glance in their direction. Over the last few weeks there had been multiple instances where Steve had had to abandon his own lunch to instead go to comfort Wanda who had entered the cafeteria only to immediately sense how everyone in there were talking behind her back. It had already gotten so bad that the entirety of Steve's team had been forced to eat their meals in the kitchen instead of in the cafeteria if they wanted to enjoy their meals without everyone staring at them, and yet the Accords Council had done nothing about it, proving that despite all of the fancy words printed on the front of the document they had been handed back before everything went wrong, the Accords had nothing to do with accountability.

And just to top it all off, Steve had still not had the chance to talk with Tony. Every time he had spotted Tony ever since Steve had found out about Bucky receiving help from Tony and the B.A.R.F., Tony had always either been in another hallway that Steve did not have access to or about to enter a lab while ignoring Steve telling him to wait.

That was why Steve was currently trying to remember if Tony liked to have sugar in his coffee. He had not seen Bucky and Tony for a few days, and over the last couple of weeks, Steve had slowly learnt how that meant that their latest session with the B.A.R.F. had dragged on and that, once it was over, both Bucky and Tony would come to the kitchen in a quest to drink as much coffee as humanly possible. Only this time, Steve had made sure to have prepared Tony's coffee in advance, so that when Tony arrived, Steve could hand it to him and get a chance to talk.

Looking down at the liquid in the cup, Steve wondered how Tony could make himself drink it. Back when the Avengers had been a real team, Steve had joked a couple of times about Tony drinking so much caffeine that there was no way it was healthy for him, always earning him a tired smile from Tony as the billionaire would make himself another cup of coffee. And now, ever since Steve had returned, he had found that Tony drank more coffee than he had ever done before. Steve supposed he should probably be worried about it, but right then, it was all quite convenient for him.

Just as he had decided that Tony would probably prefer to have sugar in his coffee, the door leading into the kitchen opened, and Steve hurried to dump a couple of sugar cubes into the black liquid as Tony walked into the room, Bucky following right behind.

"If you continue making progress at this rate, I think you will have a chance of-" Steve heard Tony say before the other man saw him standing at the counter and froze, stopping dead in his tracks, "Rogers," Tony said, and as cold as his tone was, Steve was just happy that Tony had finally acknowledged his presence.

"I thought you might like some coffee," Steve explained, pointing at the mug in his hand.

For a second, Tony eyed the cup with a wary look in his eyes. Steve could almost see how Tony was trying to figure out if he should accept the offer or not, so he shot the billionaire the same smile he had sent to the crowd back during the welcome ceremony and nodded towards the contents of the cup. "I've heard it's good."

From his spot behind Tony, Steve could see how Bucky was looking slightly confused about what was happening in front of him, looking from Tony and over to Steve and then back to Tony again, before he settled for simply glaring at the coffee, making Steve wonder if he should have prepared coffee for Bucky as well. He had hoped that he would be able to catch Tony alone, but all things considered, he should have known that Bucky would most likely be there as well and have thought to make him a cup of coffee too. He would just have to explain it to Bucky later.

Finally, Tony nodded at Steve, accepting his offer. "Okay, will you just place it on the table next to you?" he said, pointing towards a spot on the counter next to the coffee machine.

"No, why can't you just take it?" Steve asked, holding out the cup towards Tony and trying his best not to roll his eyes as the movement caused Tony to take a step back, backing away from him.

"I really don't want to do that. Will you please just place it down on the counter?"

"Tony, stop being weird and just take the cup, it isn't going to harm you!"

But Tony just shook his head at him. "Actually, never mind, I can just make my own cup of coffee." he walked over towards the machine, but Steve stepped to the side, blocking his path.

"You can't just do that and let this one go to waste."

"Steve," Bucky cut in, making both Steve and Tony turn around to look at him, "just place the cup on the counter, will you?" Bucky gestured towards the table with a tired look on his face, almost like he couldn't wait to leave the room.

Steve supposed that he should have known that would happen. Of course Bucky would try to avoid confrontation, not knowing that Tony had always had a habit of letting every little thing turn into a big issue that the rest of the team would then have to deal with.

Giving Bucky his most patient smile, Steve shook his head. "No, I can't just do that. Tony has to learn how to let other people help him without him going out of his way to ruin the gesture."

Out of the corner of his eye, Steve could see Tony roll his eyes, and he tried to fight the urge to remind Tony to have a little respect.

Taking a step forward, Bucky looked like he was considering simply leaving the kitchen, but then he pointed at the mug in Steve's hand. "Okay, but this is going nowhere so why don't you just give me that cup?"

Considering his options, Steve came to the realisation that now that it had turned into an argument, there was no way he could make Tony let go of his petty need to go out of his way to inconvenience the people trying to help him and that maybe he would just have to try again another day. So while glaring at Tony, trying to show him how easy it was to accept a cup of coffee, Steve handed the cup over to Bucky.

However, Bucky did not drink the coffee. Instead, he placed the mug down on the counter and gestured to Tony.

"Here you go."

"Thank you, James," Tony said, giving Bucky a thankful smile before grapping the mug.

Bucky returned the smile, clearly deciding to ignore how Tony had just used his first name to address him. "It's nothing. But will you please give me a moment to talk with Steve?"

Before Steve had a chance to cut in and say that he had actually hoped to get a chance to talk with Tony, Tony nodded. "Of course."

The door slammed behind the billionaire as he hurried to leave the room.

Trying to not let his frustration with his best friend show, Steve turned towards Bucky. "I was actually trying to get a chance to talk with Tony."

"I know," Bucky said, the reply surprising Steve. If Bucky knew that he had tried to get a moment to talk with Tony, then why would Bucky ask Tony to leave? Clearly knowing what question Steve was about to ask, Bucky continued, "it was obvious that you had been waiting for us for some time."

"Then why did you make him leave?"

"He quite obviously wasn't comfortable with you trying to hand him the cup of coffee," Bucky said with a shrug of his shoulders as if that was the answer to everything.

Steve supposed that it could also seem that way to someone who didn't know Tony the way he did, so he tried to hide a sigh as he began to explain. "But Bucky that's just the way Tony is. He has had this thing where he can't accept other people's help for years now."

"So you knew that he doesn't like being handed things by people?" Bucky said, raising an eyebrow and moving back to lean against the counter. "Then why did you still try to force him to take that damn mug?"

"Because he has to get over himself and see that there is no reason to be afraid of a cup of coffee."

Shaking his head, Bucky sighed at him. "Steve, I love you, but that is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. He is not scared of the coffee, but he does get scared out of his mind by the thought of someone trying to hand him things."

"And how do you know that?" Steve challenged, reminding Bucky that while he might have spent the last few weeks in Tony's company, Steve had known Tony for a far longer time.

"He told me."

That threw Steve off the track for a moment. Tony had admitted a weakness to Bucky? Even back before the entire mess about the Accords, Tony had done his best to try to hide any weak spots from the rest of his team. Steve had only figured out that Tony had a habit of causing a fuss about people trying to hand him things after it had caused Tony to knock a plate of pie out of Natasha's hand when she had tried to offer him a piece.

"But he has no reason for acting this way," Steve argued, choosing not to think about why Tony would have told Bucky about his issue, "or at least he never bothered to explain any of it to me. Did he give you a reason for him not wanting to be handed things?"

"No," Bucky replied, his tone suddenly turning cold, "and he shouldn't have to give us a report of his past trauma to make us respect the fact that he doesn't like being handed things. You need to understand that, Steve, and until you do, I advise you to stay away from Tony."

"Bucky-" Steve exclaimed, but Bucky had already turned around and left the kitchen.

It wasn't until a little hour later that Steve realised that Bucky had begun to call Tony by his first name.

The Accords were a waste of time. Ever since they had arrived back home and had found themselves with no other choice than to sign some document saying that they would adhere to the rules specified in the Sokovia Accords, much of Steve's time had been spent inside one meeting room after another, forced to sit around a table with representatives from the Accords Council who could never hope to understand what the Avengers were doing to help them, all while they did their best to keep the actual heroes from being able to help the people of the world.

But the one good thing about those meetings was that Tony attended almost every one of them, giving Steve a couple of hours each time where he could try to get the billionaire's attention. After the confrontation in the kitchen, Steve had noticed how Tony was trying even harder to avoid him, a couple of times even going so far as to turn around when they saw each other in the hallways to instead walk in an entirely different direction.

Steve had tried his best to be patient. He knew that their friendship must have suffered when Steve had had to flee to Wakanda without being able to go back to offer Tony the option of going with them, but they had moved past the point of Tony having actual reasons for being angry and hurt. Now, it was just Tony throwing a tantrum and trying to show them how much power he possessed.

Tony's issues extended to the meetings as well, as Tony never looked over at Steve or returned Steve's glances in his direction. Despite how Steve had tried multiple times to get a seat next to Tony, hoping that if they were seated right next to each other, Tony could not ignore him any longer, Tony never attended the meetings alone. He was always flanked by at least two of the newer members of the Avengers who made sure to sit on either side of him, effectively ruining Steve's plans each time.

However, Natasha had informed him that most of the Avengers were currently out of town, attending to some crisis in San Francisco leaving only a few of them behind at the Compound. When Steve had heard that Tony were among the ones who had stayed behind, he had decided that rather than going to the Council to ask why they had not thought to make use of his abilities in the fight, he should enjoy the chance to finally get to sit next to Tony during one of the meetings.

So when he walked into the meeting room that morning, Steve was prepared to search the table for Tony and then go over to sit in the chair next to his and attempt to get a chance to speak with the billionaire. However, he had hardly opened the door before he saw the first unplanned obstacle.

Bucky was also siting at the table.

Steve had never seen Bucky participate in any of the meetings - he hardly ever saw Bucky these days - and yet here Bucky was, sitting right next to Tony, the two of them seemingly enjoying their conversation as none of them looked up to say hello to Steve.

For a moment, Steve entertained the idea of taking the seat next to Bucky, and as much as he didn't want to admit it, he was close to giving in and letting his quest to finally get a chance to talk to Tony wait for another day. But then Steve looked over towards the end of the table where another man in a suit - Everett Ross, if he remembered correctly - and Steve recalled why he was doing this: both to show Tony that even though he had given up on his team, the team had not yet given up on him.

Actually, when Steve thought about it, he was not too sure that Natasha, Clint, and Wanda had not given up on Tony. He quickly pushed the thought away however. Once Tony admitted his mistakes, Steve knew that the team would welcome him back with open arms.

It was the mental image of all of them together once more that made Steve walk past Bucky to sit next to Tony. As he sat down in the chair, he noticed the way the conversation next to him died out and how Tony suddenly got occupied with trying to sit up a bit straighter. Steve just smiled at him and tried not to let his disappointment show as Tony didn't return the gesture and Bucky leaned over to whisper something into Tony's ear. It was far to hushed for Steve to be able to hear anything, but he noticed how Tony nodded, a relieved expression appearing on his face.

The meeting began. Like always, it started with Ross getting up from his chair and pacing around the room while he expressed concerns about everything the Avengers had ever done. Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes as the entire room began to discuss whether or not certain actions taken by the Avengers while on missions had really been necessary. Of course they had been, why else would they have done it? This was the exact reason why Steve had argued against the Accords, he had known that it would lead to this: an entire room filled with people who had no idea what it meant to be a superhero but still thought that they should get a vote in how the Avengers should be organised.

Despite how Steve did his best to get Tony's attention throughout the meeting, Tony did not look over at him once. Instead, the billionaire kept looking over at Ross, like every word that left the man's mouth was the most interesting thing he had ever heard. Tony having the gall to ignore him after everything Steve had done to repair the divide between them after he had returned from Wakanda made Steve's blood boil, and had it not been for how this was bigger than just him and Tony, he would perhaps have given up and let the billionaire continue to be petty. But this was about the Avengers as a whole, and Steve would never allow Tony to take his anger out on the rest of the Avengers.

About halfway through the mess of a meeting, Bucky coughed softly, instantly getting the attention of everyone in the room.

"Yes?" Ross said, looking at Bucky with an expectant look.

"I would like to ask for permission to step outside with Stark for a few minutes. There's something we have to discuss."

"Oh, yes, of course," Ross answered, and it wasn't the first time that Steve got the feeling that the people at the Compound, the people who didn't know Bucky the way he did, were still afraid of him, that fear driving them to do everything in their might to keep Bucky happy.

It was of course better than the alternative of them outright trying to kill Bucky, but Steve still wished that they could see Bucky the way he did, as someone who would never willingly hurt another human.

Bucky, however, didn't seem bothered by how Ross was obviously still scared of him, and he just nodded over at the man as he got up from his chair and left the room, Tony following right behind him.

It had all happened so quickly, that Steve didn't even get the chance to ask for permission to follow them, and something told him that even if he had remembered, the other people in the room did not extend the same goodwill that Tony and Bucky enjoyed to him. So instead, Steve stared over at Ross and tried to not think about anything in particular as he waited for Bucky and Tony to return.

Even though the meeting was mind-numbingly boring, it didn't feel like it took more than a couple of minutes before the door opened once again, and Tony and Bucky stepped into the room, Tony now looking much more at ease. That fact made Steve involuntarily smile. In the past, a happy Tony had always been a sign that the billionaire was ready to talk and to try to see the other side of the debate.

In an attempt to show Tony that he was not angry at Tony's childish behaviour earlier, Steve moved to pull out Tony's chair for him, but it was Bucky rather than Tony who accepted the gesture and went to sit in the chair next to Steve while Tony sat down in Bucky's old seat.

Steve tried not to be annoyed at how Tony had managed to make Bucky play along with his petty games, but the way that both Tony and Bucky made sure to not once look over at him during the rest of the meeting was almost enough to make him stand up and ask them what Tony was hoping to get out of throwing this tantrum. However, he knew that the Council would find a way to turn that kind of outburst against him, so Steve sat still while he waited for the meeting to get over with.

Thankfully, Ross soon allowed them all to leave, jokingly saying that since they were so few, there was no need to stay for any longer. Steve decided to just ignore him and instead hurry to catch Tony and Bucky.

But the two of them ignored him calling their names, and once again, Steve only saw the door slam behind them as they left the room.

The only good thing Steve could say about his current situation at the Compound was that it ensured that his next encounter with Bucky came already the next day.

It had been luckier than Steve had dared to hope for, when he had turned around a corner, planning to go search for Tony as he didn't have much else to do these days other than attend meetings, when he had seen Bucky standing there in the hallway.

Bucky had obviously not seen him yet, he was looking down at some sort of device - a mobile phone, Steve realised - that he held in his hand, smiling widely at the screen. Steve caught himself wondering when Bucky had gotten a phone. He had certainly not given it to him, and he was fairly sure that Bucky would never have gone to buy it on his own. Then he remembered why he was there in the first place.

"Bucky!" Steve called out, already running towards Bucky.

"Punk," Bucky replied, suddenly busy with showing the phone into his pocket, "I didn't expect to see you here."

"I was just looking for Tony," Steve said, "have you seen him?"

Bucky's carefree expression disappeared in an instant. "Actually, I was planning to talk with you about that."

The ominous tone in Bucky's voice made Steve's heart speed up, as his mind conjured up all the scenarios that could call for that kind of tone. "Why? Has something happened to him? Or did something happen with the B.A.R.F. - Bucky are you okay, because if you aren't-"

"Slow down there, pal," Bucky interrupted him, "Tony is completely okay and so am I."

"But then why did you say it like that? It sounded like something terrible had happened."

Bucky shrugged. "Well, something has happened, but it's a good thing - we had a breakthrough with the B.A.R.F., my trigger words are completely gone. I just need another couple of tests and then I might get cleared and allowed to go out on missions with the Avengers."

His heart skipping a beat at the news, Steve tried not to begin to jump up and down from joy. Finally, he had gotten his best friend back. "Bucky, that's… that's… I don't even have words for it, it's the best news I have ever received!"

Finally, Bucky shot him a dry smile. "I'm happy to hear that. But that's also one of the things I wanted to talk with you about. I don't want you to call me Bucky anymore. From now on, my name is James."

Steve looked over at his friend. Had something happened to Bucky? Back in the days before the serum, before everything, Bucky had always hated his name, preferring to be called Bucky. What had happened to make him change his mind so suddenly?

"Is it because of Tony?" Steve asked. "Did Tony say something about your name?"

It was the only reason Steve could come up with, but it didn't seem to be the correct one, as his question caused Bucky to frown at him.

"No, it has nothing to do with Tony and everything to do with the fact that Bucky doesn't exist anymore."

"Of course you still exist, you are standing right here in front of me," Steve protested, his worries about Bucky's mental state growing bigger every second.

"No, Steve, you don't understand. When I fell from that train and when I got made into… _him_ , it was something that changed me for good. It doesn't matter if I get every single one of my memories back, it will not erase everything that has happened, and it will not erase the fact that I am no longer the Bucky you knew back in Brooklyn. I have to figure out who I am now, and one of the things I have decided is that I'm James and not Bucky."

Steve looked over at Bucky and saw the look of determination in his eyes. There was nothing Steve could say right now that would change his decision.

"Okay," Steve said and tried to force a smile, "James."

He had expected Bucky to smile back at him and say something about how Steve was a punk, but Bucky didn't stop frowning as he begun to speak again. "Thank you. But that leaves the more serious subject yet to be discussed: I want you to stay away from Tony, Steve."

"What?" Steve asked, mentally replaying Bucky's words to make sure that he had heard correctly.

"You heard me. I don't want to see you trying to force Tony to talk to you ever again."

"No, no," Steve protested, trying to make Bucky see reason, "you have misunderstood, Tony just has this habit of-"

But Bucky interrupted him. "I don't care what your reasons were. Fact is that you have ignored how Tony obviously didn't want to talk with you multiple times and I'm telling you to stop that behaviour right now."

"Why do you care so much?" Steve shot back. He knew that getting angry at Bucky would not lead to anything good, but right then, the only thing he could focus on was the fact that he had lost his best friend. "He tried to kill you, and now you have suddenly become his private bodyguard!"

His words made Bucky take a step back, and for a second, Steve could see the hurt feelings showing on Bucky's face. But then Bucky regained control and shot Steve a harsh glare. "My reasons for caring about Tony's well-being are none of your business," Bucky snarled at him, "all you need to know is that the next time you try to force Tony to spend time with you or to talk with you, you'll have to go through me first!"

Raising his hands in a placating gesture, Steve tried to make Bucky calm down. "Bucky, you're not well, can't we talk about this later when you are feeling better?" he asked while trying to mask his own hurt feelings and reminding himself that Bucky was under intense pressure from the Council and that the session with the B.A.R.F. could not have been easy for him.

"It's James, and no, we cannot talk about this later." Bucky turned on his heel and began to walk down the corridor, away from Steve.

Steve just stood there, looking at the retreating Bucky until he was completely alone in the now deserted hallway.

With a sinking feeling, he realised that he didn't know how to fix this.


End file.
